A Gay Guy Tells Me How to Parent Mah Baby

I took it as a propitious sign when I got an offer to read The Gay Uncle's Guide to Parenting, a new parenting book by Brett Berk, an educator who's been around kids and seen it all for more than 20 years. I say this because I've been putting off looking for a book that discusses some of the challenges I've been facing as the mom of a toddler. The thing is, I fear that if I start one book, I'll seek out another book, then another, and then next thing you know, I'm caught in this awful vortex of parenting books, none of which will ever answer all my questions or meet my expectations or empower me or make it all all right.

O.k., so I have some issues when it comes to the parenting genre; I admit it. So the fact that this book pretty much fell on my lap was a sign to me that I should just read it and see if I could glean anything from it. The fact that it promised some humor and snark didn't hurt, as that's how I prefer to take advice in.

The premise of the book is interesting: Berk has spent the last 20 years or so working with children - as a teacher, a preschool director and a consultant to toy/food/etc. companies. So basically, he's an expert on kids because he's been with them and seen them in action and worked with them and, and this might be the important part, has been able to do the same with parents. And as a gay man who has not had kids of his own, has been able to remain at enough distance to keep perspective, the kind we parents can lose sometimes.

I have to admit that it was mainly this premise - gay childless man who's spent most of his life surrounded by kids - that most got my attention. Because I could really use the perspective of someone who's neither parent nor doctor but can lay some claim to expertise, and I know a gay man's going to give it to me straight, no pun intended.

So how did Berk do? Pretty good, in my opinion. There were times when I found the humor and snark to be too bitchy and mean to really be funny, but otherwise, the advice and suggestions made total sense to me. There was no point where I felt like, "This guy's full of it and he has no clue what he's saying", which I have felt, surprisingly, with other parenting books authored by parents and/or doctors. It was obvious to me that Berk had really thought about a lot of these issues and that his experience had really taught him some valuable lessons.

My strongest criticism is that there were times when I wished for more concrete information. For example, in discussing food and eating, he states a few times, "lay out clear age-appropriate expectations" and goes on to list other to-do's. But I'm stuck at that first part, wondering, what are those clear age-appropriate expectations? Because that's where I need help, and that's what no book has yet to reveal to me. And I don't mean specifically about eating, but about anything: bedtime, sharing, behaving in public, etc. I'm doing pretty good at reading my child and taking his cues and figuring out what works with him and what doesn't, but I frequently find myself wondering if he's too old or too young for some of what I communicate to him, or what I expect of him, or what I think he should understand. A little more detail on that front would have helped tremendously.

This book was very helpful in laying out action plans for various parenting challenges, like finding babysitters and helping your child develop healthy eating habits. Perhaps I'm just similar to Berk in that so much of what he had to say seemed like common sense to me. I could totally see what he meant when he kept referring to the "parenting bubble" - maybe because I spent a decent amount of time observing people close to me become parents before I myself took that plunge. Or not. Maybe it's just that part of me always feels like an outsider no matter what.

Either way, it was a good read. Informative, useful, full of good sense. It came at the right time for me, and I'm glad for it!